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A Fetcher's Guide to Ancestral Tombs
Should you have curiously glanced at the contents of this book with the hope you would be instructed on how to spot the richest family tombs in Morrowind, those belonging to the patriots and nobles of this great nation, or resting places simply overflowing with valuables, then this is the book for you, you disgusting n'wah. Be you an ignorant Empire-supporting outlander or a morally revolting Telvanni asset, you will at some point feel the overwhelming need to enter the sacred halls of our ancestors, and desecrate them with your filthy being and your greedy selfish hearts. If it's stealing the most insignificant family heirloom, or breaking the seal of their burial altars and removing their corpses for necromantic purposes that attracts you and the common breed of low-life fetcher, then you should receive all help in that course you are due.
An ancestral tomb has but one use and that is, of course, to provide anyone with enough grotesque callousness a means by which to line their pockets with the worldly goods of the deceased. Nominally, they are also a place where the ashes of decent, upstanding Dunmer are housed, but that is a trifling matter of absolutely no consequence. Although it is but a nuisance to the facade of spotless perfection, one can be unfortunate enough to mar one's boots with the cremated remains, so all caution should be taken. While quite similar to the ash blown about in Vvardenfell's ash storms, the ash of our ancestors is quite distinct. Such ash is especially hard to remove from clothing and armor, so one should seek the aid of Tribunal Temple officials; because they frequent ash pits, they have seen the need for a concoction to remove the ash. Simply present yourself to the nearest Temple authority, inform them of your need, and they are sure to get you sorted out.
Ancestral tombs are guarded by spirits bound to protect our ancestors, but their effectiveness of keeping out the unwelcome extends only so far. Apparently, not to the extent of forcing you careless fools at bay, so as to deter you from disturbing their peaceful resting. However, it is not simply any weapon that one should use; it seems that every form of undead can only be harmed by weapons below a certain standard of quality, a weapon not enchanted or made of a cruder material than silver. To one who shows so much interest in this book, though, I would suggest you go up against one of the spiritual guardians without a range of spells or a finer weapon. The reasoning for this is simple enough to understand -- the guardians of our tombs have a certain magical aspect to them, and so ignore or absorb equipment that is also magical. It is only when faced with blades unlike their substance, such as unremarkable iron, that they falter.
When stealing from the dead, only the most rudimentary thieving skills are required. Many of our finer tombs bear locks, so the intelligent pilferer of goods will bring along a set of lock picks. However, one need not bother with probes; ancestral tombs are often visited by properly reverent Dunmer, and none of us want to risk accidental injury by triggering a trap long forgotten. Why, one could break doors down with impunity in any Dunmeri ancestral tomb! One not even needs worry about guardian spirits following through open doorways, as these are bound to the room they patrol.
Stupidius Outlanderius, the Imperial barbarian, before entering a tomb once asked himself, "Would the Dunmer approve of this?" Oh, Stupidius please do go ahead! After all, when have the disrespectful n'wah elite like you ever cared about the approval of the Dunmer people? Yes, quite right -- never. Go ahead and shatter the urns containing the last remains of our honored forefathers. Be our guest in fulfilling the endeavor of pouching the physical belongings of this plane our ancestors cared about most. As long as Imperial "law" sanctions such a travesty, you'll be able to bag the belongings of the deceased without a single doubt of your sterling character. This is only one reason among many why we native Dunmer are so thankful for the presence of Urine-el Septim's honorable legions here in Morrowind.
One might ask how it is that the legions can ignore such a thing, when Dunmer society so clearly deems it a wrong. While true that our backward society would indeed frown upon such a thing, the just cause of the looter is illegally protected. Although law exists in accordance with the treaty signed by the simple barbarous man you've later revered as a god, blessedly crooked Imperial officials have long ignored the rights afforded our dead. All very much to your liking and profit, and I implore you take advantage.
In conclusion, merry adventuring, scum!
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