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Yeti
Lead Developer
15 Feb 2009

Location: Minnesota: The Land of 11,842 Lakes

Hey everybody! I've been a member of the forums for a month and I think I'm ready to join the project. I'm only interested in doing interiors for Morrowind as my skills are low and or nonexistent in all other areas Laughing . I also can't do anything for Hammerfell as I don't have Oblivion yet.

I already got a mod ready for my showcase... but I have no idea how to get it here Embarassed I've never uploaded a mod or anything else for that matter to the internet so can anyone out there please walk me through my utter cluelessness Confused

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Post Mon Mar 16, 2009 10:48 pm Send private message             Reply with quote                   up  
Stryker
Developer Emeritus
07 May 2008



If you just upload the .esp file we can take a look at it.
To upload something you just add it as an attachment, which you can do right at the bottom of the screen when posting.
Just click 'browse' find the file and then click 'Add Attachment'. And it should work.

Good luck, I look forward to possible seeing your work. Smile

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Interior Reviews: 168
Post Mon Mar 16, 2009 10:52 pm Send private message       Send e-mail       Reply with quote                   up  
Yeti
Lead Developer
15 Feb 2009

Location: Minnesota: The Land of 11,842 Lakes

Okay heres my attempt at uploading something (again please forgive my lack of uploading exsperience) Laughing

Anyway, my mod is a simple Dwemer ruin called Bzrhin's Hall. It's located right next to Mzuleft. The entrance (which sucks, but this is an interior showcase so that doesn't really matter) is one of those Dwemer main hole things.

The ruin was in the process of being constructed as an exspansion to Mzuleft when the Dwemer dissapeared.

Edit: Yeah! :dance: :dance: :dance: It worked. That was easy, I need to stop being so parinoid about computers Laughing



Clean Bzrhin's Hall.esp
 Description:
Dwemer ruin near Mzuleft

Download
 Filename:  Clean Bzrhin's Hall.esp
 Filesize:  5.24 KB
 Downloaded:  69 Time(s)


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Post Tue Mar 17, 2009 8:58 pm Send private message             Reply with quote                   up  
Stryker
Developer Emeritus
07 May 2008



Okay, here we go.
The first thing I noticed is its kind of small, but since it shows you know how to use gridsnap I think thats okay.
The second is it is somewhat sparsely decorated. I know it is a Dwemer Ruin, but I'd like to see some more decoration nonetheless, just for showcase purposes.

I looked over the interior and found two things:
-misc_dwrv_mug00 (on the floor) isn't really rotated enough. Only one end is touching the ground, the other is floating.

-Items on things like furn_dwrv_bookshelf00 need to be rotated to sit properly on the shelf. Since this, and poor furniture, has a warped surface if you just place an item down and leave it, part of it will likely be floating. In this case all three items need to be adjusted slightly.

All the other items appeared to be neither floating nor bleeding which is good.

And lastly, it appears that a part of the Sheogorad region was edited and not cleaned. I take it you added the entrance somewhere on the exterior, so I won't mention the edited Mzuleft Ruin exterior cell. Razz

My request for this would be that you make a house or a shop interior cell. Mostly to see if you can avoid other common errors. But this ruin is a good start, too. Smile
Good luck.

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Post Tue Mar 17, 2009 9:23 pm Send private message       Send e-mail       Reply with quote                   up  
Yeti
Lead Developer
15 Feb 2009

Location: Minnesota: The Land of 11,842 Lakes

Thanks for the quick review Stryker. I'll do as you suggested and start on a house mod soon so people can better judge my decorating skills. Other modders are of course welcomed to still review my first one.

Quote:
Items on things like furn_dwrv_bookshelf00 need to be rotated to sit properly on the shelf. Since this, and poor furniture, has a warped surface if you just place an item down and leave it, part of it will likely be floating. In this case all three items need to be adjusted slightly.


Not quite sure what I did wrong here, I moved the iteam over the furniture's surfact and hit the f key. I'll exsperiment with rotation though. What is a "warped surface" Confused

Quote:
And lastly, it appears that a part of the Sheogorad region was edited and not cleaned. I take it you added the entrance somewhere on the exterior, so I won't mention the edited Mzuleft Ruin exterior cell.


I'm not sure which cell I put my craptastic entrance in. It was either the Mzuleft ruin cell or the one right next to it. Parts of it might even be in both Laughing so I left them be.

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Post Wed Mar 18, 2009 4:05 am Send private message             Reply with quote                   up  
Stryker
Developer Emeritus
07 May 2008



Yeti wrote:
Not quite sure what I did wrong here, I moved the iteam over the furniture's surfact and hit the f key. I'll exsperiment with rotation though. What is a "warped surface"

Pressing 'F' usually won't cut it here.
A warped surface means it isn't a flat surface, you'll notice this if you compare the rich furniture (furn_de_r) with poor furniture (furn_de_p) in morrowind.
You typically need to manually rotate items on poor furniture so that they won't just half float and half rest on the surface.
Hopefully that explains it well enough, I'm not really sure how to explain it. Razz

Anyways, good luck on your next int, I look forward to seeing it. Smile

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Post Wed Mar 18, 2009 11:55 am Send private message       Send e-mail       Reply with quote                   up  
Yeti
Lead Developer
15 Feb 2009

Location: Minnesota: The Land of 11,842 Lakes

Thanks for clearing that up. So basically some furniture surfaces aren't completely flat. I'll look out for that from now on.
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Post Wed Mar 18, 2009 9:04 pm Send private message             Reply with quote                   up  
Yeti
Lead Developer
15 Feb 2009

Location: Minnesota: The Land of 11,842 Lakes

Here's a small interior with plenty of clutter. Probabily not big enougth for a finale showcase but I want to iron out any minor flaws in my skills before starting something bigger.
The house is a Redoran hut in Ald'Ruhn. I thought I'd do something that will be a common claim in the future when work on Map 5 speeds up. I didn't put in the owner.

The major issues I noticed when I looked through it was that the interior door was a little messed up and I couldn't fix it. Unfortuaneily I waited to place it at the end, wont make that mistake again Laughing Also there was some wierd thing with the flame coming off the non-pickupable candles when I moved them. Not quite sure what that's about Laughing



Clean Yeti's 2nd showcase (clutter).esp
 Description:
The hut of Avar Vondar... which I just relized isn't a good name at all. It's located in Ald'ruhn near the Redoran council hall.

Download
 Filename:  Clean Yeti's 2nd showcase (clutter).esp
 Filesize:  6.57 KB
 Downloaded:  62 Time(s)


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Post Thu Mar 19, 2009 1:48 am Send private message             Reply with quote                   up  
Stryker
Developer Emeritus
07 May 2008



Looks good so far! I, too, am not sure if its big enough for a final showcase, so you may want to do something slightly bigger. But the errors I found were minor so far. Smile

-light_de_candle_18_64 doesn't appear to have been rotated to fit the surface. (this surface is slightly uneven)
-same with misc_come_redware_vase, this one probably needs just a degree or two, nothing too much
-chitin dagger floated slightly
-light_de_candle_07_64 floated
-wood in the fire floated, would appear that so does the log outside of it
-gold wasn't rotated to fit the surface
-furn_de_rug_big_02 floats
-the problem with the door was you used the _ex_redoran_hut_01_a in the interior. in_redoran_hut_door_01 should be used instead. Just turn gridsnap on, possibly lower the settings for it, and it should fit perfectly.

It would appear that you understand northmarking too, so that is always good.
I didn't see any style mixing, which is also very good.
The file is clean aside from two exterior cells, but this time I really think your exterior was in both, so I'll leave it at that.

Yeti wrote:
Also there was some wierd thing with the flame coming off the non-pickupable candles when I moved them. Not quite sure what that's about

Moving candles in the CS is strange to begin with, so don't let that bother you. Razz

I look forward to seeing your next showcase, whether its a fix of this one or something bigger. Smile

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Interior Reviews: 168
Post Thu Mar 19, 2009 12:22 pm Send private message       Send e-mail       Reply with quote                   up  
Yeti
Lead Developer
15 Feb 2009

Location: Minnesota: The Land of 11,842 Lakes

Thanks for reviewing me again Stryker Smile
I'll fix the errors in this one and do a bigger house, maybe in Hlaalu style since the team is moving into Map 4 interiors also.

This rotating stuff on cruddy furniture is very annoying Evil or Very Mad The CS rotating is way to clunky to handle such miniscule details. I'll continue to try though.





Quote:
wood in the fire floated, would appear that so does the log outside of it


Those logs and the fireplace were a pain, Though I had thought the problem was that they weren't rottated properly.


Quote:
It would appear that you understand northmarking too


Picking the Northmarker out of the static list and placeing it in isn't exactily rocket science but I'll take any complements I can get Razz Thanks again for taking your time to review my house.

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Post Thu Mar 19, 2009 9:25 pm Send private message             Reply with quote                   up  
michaleson
Developer
13 Oct 2008

Location: K Town

If you find it hard to rotate it. Double click the object and fiddle with the rotational values in there it makes it much easyer.
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Post Thu Mar 19, 2009 9:32 pm Send private message       Send e-mail       Reply with quote                   up  
Yeti
Lead Developer
15 Feb 2009

Location: Minnesota: The Land of 11,842 Lakes

Quote:
If you find it hard to rotate it. Double click the object and fiddle with the rotational values in there it makes it much easyer.




There are? Okay that should help A LOT Thanks!

I'm such a Newbie Laughing

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Post Thu Mar 19, 2009 9:37 pm Send private message             Reply with quote                   up  
Stryker
Developer Emeritus
07 May 2008



Yeti wrote:
Picking the Northmarker out of the static list and placeing it in isn't exactily rocket science but I'll take any complements I can get Razz Thanks again for taking your time to review my house.

Heh, well mostly what I meant by that was you remembered to put it in. Razz

I look forward to seeing your next interior. Smile

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Post Thu Mar 19, 2009 9:46 pm Send private message       Send e-mail       Reply with quote                   up  
Yeti
Lead Developer
15 Feb 2009

Location: Minnesota: The Land of 11,842 Lakes

Here's my house with the errors fixed. Rotation is now is now okay for me.


Clean Yeti's 2nd showcase (clutter).esp
 Description:

Download
 Filename:  Clean Yeti's 2nd showcase (clutter).esp
 Filesize:  6.37 KB
 Downloaded:  72 Time(s)


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Post Fri Mar 20, 2009 12:44 am Send private message             Reply with quote                   up  
Stryker
Developer Emeritus
07 May 2008



The only real 'error' I found was the misc_com_redware_vase floats slightly.
The interior is good, I still think some more detail would've been nice. But before any recommendation or anything I'd like to see something bigger.
Perhaps do a two story Hlaalu house or something? What you do is your call no matter what, though.

Good Job so far. Smile

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Post Fri Mar 20, 2009 12:54 am Send private message       Send e-mail       Reply with quote                   up  
Yeti
Lead Developer
15 Feb 2009

Location: Minnesota: The Land of 11,842 Lakes

I probabily will be doing a two floored Hlaalu house next, though I might try out this other idea I have.

I'll try to get something here soon.

Also, though Stryker has been great, it would be nice to get a second opinion from someone.

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Post Fri Mar 20, 2009 1:16 am Send private message             Reply with quote                   up  
Omber1234
Member
19 Mar 2009



Yeti wrote:
I probabily will be doing a two floored Hlaalu house next, though I might try out this other idea I have.

I'll try to get something here soon.

Also, though Stryker has been great, it would be nice to get a second opinion from someone.



I'll try it out Smile

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Post Fri Mar 20, 2009 2:23 pm Send private message             Reply with quote                   up  
Omber1234
Member
19 Mar 2009



I really liked it but i had a hard time finding it, Great
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Post Fri Mar 20, 2009 2:28 pm Send private message             Reply with quote                   up  
Haplo
Lead Developer
30 Aug 2003

Location: Celibacy

Stop double posting. This is your last warning. When you have something to say, say it all in one post, or edit your post if it is the last one in the thread.
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Post Fri Mar 20, 2009 9:34 pm Send private message             Reply with quote                   up  
Yeti
Lead Developer
15 Feb 2009

Location: Minnesota: The Land of 11,842 Lakes

Well here's my latest showcase. It's a medium sized Hlaalo manor house. The owners are a well Dunmer couple who own a Khajit House slave who sleeps in the basement. There is no real exsterior for it other than a door in Hla Oad that has no building. I also don't think my interior fits any of the Hlaalo exsteriors but if this is a realy big problem I can change it.

Edit: Please ignore the (and hopefully finale) in my mod's file name. I regret putting it in. I'll do as many interiors that I need to do for the showcase Smile

Hope you enjoy my interior. Very Happy



Clean Yeti's 3rd (and hopefully finale) showcase.esp
 Description:
Verivar manor (look for a door without a building in Hla Oad).

Download
 Filename:  Clean Yeti's 3rd (and hopefully finale) showcase.esp
 Filesize:  13.3 KB
 Downloaded:  61 Time(s)


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Post Sun Mar 22, 2009 8:48 am Send private message             Reply with quote                   up  
Yeti
Lead Developer
15 Feb 2009

Location: Minnesota: The Land of 11,842 Lakes

Terribly, terribly sorry about double posting but has anyone seen this yet? I understand if you don't have the time but other people have gotten reviewed since I posted this, so I just want to make sure my upload didn't go unnoticed. Confused
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Post Mon Mar 23, 2009 10:40 pm Send private message             Reply with quote                   up  
Stryker
Developer Emeritus
07 May 2008



I can almost assure you that your post didn't go unnoticed. Usually the way reviewing works at TR is the oldest goes first, perhaps I didn't realize yours was older or others were just waiting longer, so they instantly should be reviewed first. That is, if I was even the one that did the other reviews that you speak of.
Things won't always go completely smooth, [other] people have lives, jobs, and what not. So its not going to always be quick and prompt. Its only been a day, anyways, the rules say you should wait a week before bumping your showcase.
But anyways onto the review:

-misc_de_bowl_glass_peach_01 isn't bled. Items like this taper at the bottom, and must be slightly bled to properly rest on the surface. (This same error applies to other bowls in the interior
-misc_de_pot_blue_02 looks strange resting on the cloth. It may be a good idea to bleed it slightly into the cloth, to make it look more natural. (Or not place it there at all, I can't really recall ever seeing it anywhere else)
-the three books on the shelf aren't leaning against anything.
-the handle of misc_com_wood_knife isn't resting on the table
-de_r_closet_01_fcloth02
-furn_planter_01 bleeds into the floor
-in_hlaalu_room_entry shouldn't be used infront of the stairs. There is a static you can use for the column. Using this tile causes the column to horribly casper.
-judging by the placement of the door, the northmarker was rotated wrong. It was pointing east rather than north.
-I, for one, don't really agree with the bedroll in the hallway...

This one is much better, it appears to be adequately detailed. Fix these errors and I think you may be all set.

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Interior Reviews: 168
Post Mon Mar 23, 2009 11:24 pm Send private message       Send e-mail       Reply with quote                   up  
Yeti
Lead Developer
15 Feb 2009

Location: Minnesota: The Land of 11,842 Lakes

Okay, sorry about the bumping. I wont be so impatient from now on.

I think I've fixed all the errors as best I could except maybe the Northmarker thing since I didn't know which way to rotate it and the CS didn't allow me to place a new one. I also took your suggestion and removed the matt in the basement.



Clean Yeti's 3rd (and hopefully finale) showcase.esp
 Description:

Download
 Filename:  Clean Yeti's 3rd (and hopefully finale) showcase.esp
 Filesize:  13.41 KB
 Downloaded:  52 Time(s)


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Post Tue Mar 24, 2009 1:15 am Send private message             Reply with quote                   up  
Stryker
Developer Emeritus
07 May 2008



File is dirty. It has Hla Oad edited, and a GMST in it. These must be cleaned.
misc_com_bottle_05 floated slightly
all of the misc_de_goblet_09 bled into the bookshelf

For fixing the northmarker, you just go to the exterior. Click on the exterior static (or anything, really) and press 'C' and whichever way you are facing after that is north.
Then just compare it based off of that, and then you can adjust the Northmarker accordingly. (Really, i'm no good at explaining this stuff)

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Post Tue Mar 31, 2009 10:04 pm Send private message       Send e-mail       Reply with quote                   up  
Yeti
Lead Developer
15 Feb 2009

Location: Minnesota: The Land of 11,842 Lakes

My entrance is in Hla Oad, though I will get rid of anything else that is dirty

I'll get an update here soon, thanks for the review. Razz

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Post Tue Mar 31, 2009 10:13 pm Send private message             Reply with quote                   up  
Stryker
Developer Emeritus
07 May 2008



Duuh, you're right. Razz I've been doing too many TR reviews, where there should be no other cell. Sorry about messing that one up.
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Post Tue Mar 31, 2009 10:17 pm Send private message       Send e-mail       Reply with quote                   up  
Yeti
Lead Developer
15 Feb 2009

Location: Minnesota: The Land of 11,842 Lakes

I've fixed the minor errors, and the Northmarker is rotated in the right direction in comparisoin to its interior.

Now if you exscuse me I must return to my late night homework marathon. Crying



Clean Yeti's 3rd showcase.esp
 Description:

Download
 Filename:  Clean Yeti's 3rd showcase.esp
 Filesize:  13.36 KB
 Downloaded:  61 Time(s)


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Post Wed Apr 01, 2009 4:52 am Send private message             Reply with quote                   up  
Yeti
Lead Developer
15 Feb 2009

Location: Minnesota: The Land of 11,842 Lakes

Well its been about a week now and theres quite a few people in front of me and a bus load of new unclaimed interiors so...

Bump

Just want to make sure I don't get lost Mr. Green

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Post Mon Apr 06, 2009 2:35 am Send private message             Reply with quote                   up  
Stryker
Developer Emeritus
07 May 2008



Quick review. Looks good.

-misc_com_iron_ladle, the handle is slightly bleeding into the bowl. This is as simple as just moving it slightly.
-The placement of in_hlaalu_room_post is kinda questionable in my opinion. I think it could be brought out a bit more, not bled so much into it.
-As far as I know its usually a good idea to put a railing on the top of the stairs.
-Com_Sack_02_ingred didn't really have to be rotated, its usually okay for a sack to bleed into the floor a bit.

These are all minor and easy to fix, not worth uploading a 'fixed' version of. Therefor I Recommend you for promotion.

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Post Mon Apr 06, 2009 5:46 pm Send private message       Send e-mail       Reply with quote                   up  
Haplo
Lead Developer
30 Aug 2003

Location: Celibacy

Member Promoted for interior modding. Congratulations, Yeti, and welcome to the team.
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Post Mon Apr 06, 2009 7:27 pm Send private message             Reply with quote                   up  
Yeti
Lead Developer
15 Feb 2009

Location: Minnesota: The Land of 11,842 Lakes

Thanks everyone! I can't wait to start helping out! I'll also try much harder now to keep small errors out of my stuff. Very Happy

Speciel thanks to you Stryker for reviewing my work and teaching me along the way.

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Post Mon Apr 06, 2009 10:19 pm Send private message             Reply with quote                   up  
Stryker
Developer Emeritus
07 May 2008



Congrats on the now official promotion. I hope you enjoy slaving awa- err.. contributing to TR. Wink

'twas my pleasure to help out... except for during my spurts of laziness, but everyone gets that at one time or another. Razz

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Post Mon Apr 06, 2009 10:42 pm Send private message       Send e-mail       Reply with quote                   up  
Yeti
Lead Developer
15 Feb 2009

Location: Minnesota: The Land of 11,842 Lakes

So I was thinking, since I'm a pretty good writer I might as well seek to get promoted for literacy. Here's my book. It's a journal of a Chimer tooken prisoner during the war of the First Council. Hope you like it! Very Happy





[The following text appears to be a journal written in Aldmeris. Though the pages have yellowed with age, the words are still largely eligible.]


The Journal of Sol Rethen, warrior of the armies of War Khan, Nerevar Indoril, Date Unknown

First Entry

I have been held prisoner within this infernal Dwemer stronghold for so long that I’ve lost count of the days. My captors have at least been gracious enough to provide me with this journal to keep me occupied. In this first entry I’ll explain how I’ve landed in this dismal predicament.
I was a member of a group of fighters sent out to assault the Dwemer stronghold of Bzarunch. We had however, greatly underestimated the strength of our foe. They outnumbered us three to one when we launch our foolish attack and we were soon overrun by their warriors and centurions. In the course of the fighting many of my clansmen died. Only a handful of them were able to break free and retreat into the wilderness. I was not destined to join them, for when I tried to flee; I was knocked to the ground by the strike of an Animunculi and swiftly captured.
My triumphant enemies bond my hands and lead me back to their stronghold. Once we had entered through the main door, there leader came before me. “I am the one called Orzldam and this colony is under my governance, Chimer.” He proudly proclaimed with a trace of gloat in his voice. “Though you and your comrades erred in your calculations when you attacked us, you fought honorably. For this you will be treated with good accordance while you are our guest.”
With this said, I was lead away down the dim tunnels of the Dwemer stronghold. I was brought before metal doors that when opened revealed a small room with only a bed and table. “This will be your residence, Chimer,” one of the Dwemer said from behind his helm. “A servant will bring you food and drink within the hour.” With that said I was locked away within my dungeon.

Second Entry

The days go by slowly in my small prison, and these Dwemer are hardly the best of company. It appears my they are intent on holding me captive until the end of the war, which they believe won’t be long from now. My guard took great pleasure in telling me that a great battle is about to take place at Red Mountain, on Vvardenfell. “Your days here will soon be at an end. Once Dwarfking Dumac has defeated your comrades, we shale have no reason to hold you.” Later, before I lay down to sleep, I prayed to the ancestors that the Dwarf’s claims would prove false. I prayed to the Daedric Lords, Azura, Boethiah, and Mephala, asking them to give the Chimer strength to defeat our enemy.

Third Entry

I do not know what happened or whether it is trickery or not, but I have not seen a sign of a Dwemer for what must be days. One morning I awoke from a deep sleep and noticed that there was no guard by my door. I thought this odd, but did not think much of it until my meals didn’t arrive. It was then that I noticed that there wasn’t a single sound or sight of life coming from the depths of the fortress. The corridors outside my room are empty of all activity except for the Dwemer’s mechanical constructs, which go about their patrols paying no attention to me, or to their masters’ disappearance into thin air.
This however, is not the strangest of happenings. My skin has turned a dark gray that is neither the result of dirt nor grime. It’s as if some foul curse has befallen me just as one has appeared to befallen the Dwemer of Bzarunch.
I have little time to ponder the fate of my captors, or my strange transformation, though. Without food or water my strength is leaving me. My attempts at breaking out, through both brute force and spell have all failed so far. I fear if I can’t think of a way to escape, this prison of mine will be my tomb.

Fourth Entry

The past days have wrought no progress on escaping. The Dwemer door is too strong to break down, and the lock is beyond my skill to pick. It also seems that my comrades believe me to be dead. Otherwise they would have surely have come to my rescue. I have not given up entirely on escape yet, but my hope is leaving as quickly as my strength.

Finale Entry

All hope is gone for me to ever see the light of day. I can no longer stand the pains of hunger, or my unbearable thirst. I have broken the glass of one of the Dwemer’s strange light-making devices and have a sharp long shard from it. As soon as I am done writing this last record, I will use it to take my life and join my ancestors. My last joy is knowing that my captors have come to some ill end, even as I too, have come to one.

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Post Sun Aug 09, 2009 9:50 pm Send private message             Reply with quote                   up  
Monkey Man
Member
23 Apr 2009

Location: My own little world in my head

Yeti wrote:
I'm only interested in doing interiors for Morrowind as my skills are low and or nonexistent in all other areas (
Really, I think you should do some concept art, seeing what you have drawn in the past =) noone else on TR has seen the awesomeness of your drawing skills
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Post Sun Aug 09, 2009 11:18 pm Send private message             Reply with quote                   up  
Yeti
Lead Developer
15 Feb 2009

Location: Minnesota: The Land of 11,842 Lakes

Monkey man: My drawing skills, though decent, are in my opinion not good enougth for TR.

Haplo Edit: Discussion of warez is not allowed. Removal of administrative and moderated messages is also not allowed.

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Post Tue Aug 11, 2009 1:43 am Send private message             Reply with quote                   up  
Shapeshiftr
Developer
29 Jun 2009

Location: On a boat with the man your man could smell like.

Ok, just so you know, I'm reviewing as I read. Sorry if I sound harsh, it's nothing personal, just how I roll.

[criticism]

Off the bat, it seems as though the character is very composed and official for a personal journey. Think, if you were being held captive as a POW or something similar, do you think you would start your only record of your imprisonment by saying, "I'm going to start this journal by stating to the reader how I got in this predicament." It seems a bit calm for someone who doesn't know if they're ever going to see the light of day again. You get the point by now.

Similar to the latter point, the story lacks a clean lead. Leads are one of the most important aspects of writing- a bad lead can disinterest a reader right away, regardless of the quality of the rest of the story. A good lead flows well with the rest of the story, and entices a reader. While this is a journal entry written by a normal person, it's still best to convey his feelings, instead of writing it like a timeline or list of events.

Like how you used Dumac, the actual king at this time Very Happy

Quote:
Later, before I lay down to sleep, I prayed to the ancestors that the Dwarf’s claims would prove false. I prayed to the Daedric Lords, Azura, Boethiah, and Mephala, asking them to give the Chimer strength to defeat our enemy.
This is a bit rough. You prayed before you went to sleep, and then wrote this entry?

Quote:
but I have not seen a sign
seen sign no A. Or add single before Dwemer. This is not so much grammatical as it is stylistic, it helps the flow.

Quote:
As soon as I am done writing this last record, I will use it to take my life and join my ancestors.
Eek. A bit harsh, eh? Sounds like "Once I'm done washing the dishes, I'm going to commit suicide." AKA blunt. Add more fluff to that sentence, and break it up. Awkward to say "take my life" also. Rephrasing that might be best, such as something a bit more metaphorical. This guy is obviously cogitating about suicide; it's not an impulsive decision. "Take my life" sounds like something he scribbled down on an impulse.

[/criticism]

Anyways, sorry if a I sounded harsh, it was an enjoyable read Smile I definitely liked some parts, if you bring the story all up to the same par, then you got yourself a journal Very Happy

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Live every day as though it were your last, and some day it will be.
Post Tue Aug 11, 2009 2:28 am Send private message             Reply with quote                   up  
Nanu
Developer Emeritus
16 Feb 2006

Location: Virginia

There's a lot that you can tell about a person's psychological profile based on how they write in their diaries. Here's something that always sounds really amateur:

Quote:
In this first entry I’ll explain...


See, he was already writing a journal. The point of a journal is to record facts, ideas, or events either for personal benefit for yourself, to teach a lesson, or offer a warning to others found in your predicament. Most people already know what a journal is for, so someone writing it like a speech to demonstrate seems a little off.

Quote:
We had however, greatly underestimated the strength of our foe.


Either don't use a comma or surround it.

I notice in the next paragraph that your Chimer must have a very sound mind. After being knocked senseless and dragged to a prison, he is woke and given the default speech given by all lawful evil foils, the "even though I am evil I will give you shelter because I am just cool like that" speech.

Quote:
comrades, we shale have


Shale is a kind of rock made up of sediment. Shall is the antiquated form of the word we at TR like to use: "will."

The third entry does a pretty good job at capturing the curse and the leaving. I think something along the lines of "OMGWTF MAH SKIN! AND WHERE ARE THE GUARDS?!!!?!1!!!" would be more like it. Razz

A "finale" is the last act of something. I believe you wanted "final."

Quote:
...come to some ill end, even as I too, have come to one.

"Even as I, too, have come..." or "even as I too have come." I like the second because it flows better.

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You've already been promoted for another aspect of the project. If you ever feel the need to post in L&W, feel free. If it's something that I or another member enjoys and it's properly checked for grammar first, I'll add you to the group.

Welcome to the team (of writers if you feel like posting something up.)

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Post Tue Aug 11, 2009 3:42 am Send private message       Send e-mail       Reply with quote                   up  
Yeti
Lead Developer
15 Feb 2009

Location: Minnesota: The Land of 11,842 Lakes

Thanks guys. I probabily rushed this alittle too much. I'll just to see if I can fix it up.
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Post Wed Aug 12, 2009 12:45 am Send private message             Reply with quote                   up  
Monkey Man
Member
23 Apr 2009

Location: My own little world in my head

Just send it over to me to proof before you put it up, I know you are likey to have some typos and gramatical errors that i could fix with a couple minutes of work
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Post Mon Aug 17, 2009 10:06 pm Send private message             Reply with quote                   up  
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