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gro-Dhal
Lead Developer
05 Nov 2006

Location: A charter'd street

A Nobleman's Garden
by Neril Sevuro

They ask me why I garden. “Muthsera”, they cry, “why do you hide from the world in your tree-lined cloister? What of your duties to House and Hearth?”
They do not understand what it is to be a lord of the true nobility of Resdayn. Our duty is to sharpen our minds and spirits, and to glean the determined workings of the world so we can guide our children along the path of righteousness. It is in the cultivation of my prayer garden that I find the wisdom for these tasks.

Observe the northern wall, along which I have planted sweetbarrels. The spines of the young plants bring pain to the touch, and discourage close ministration. With diligence and focused meditation however they can be made to bloom, ugliness giving way to beauty and the diaphanous, out-of-body visions of the sweetpulp vapors. This is the progression of the spiritual self: from resistance to blossoming to the numinous.

On the southern wall opposite are a bed of timsa flowers. Saint Timsa-of-the-Long-Hours happens to be an ancestor of mine, and the flowers first emerged from her body as she lay broken at the feet of Molag Bal’s magi. These flowers blossom in sun, rain and ashfall and illuminate the virtue of resistance, and the futility of profane sorcery against faith.

On the western wall, facing the sunrise, is a cluster of bright fireferns- difficult to cultivate in heartland soil. I use a little of the ash from my hearthfire as fertilizer. The ash contains a trace of my House’s holy offerings. This token of faith is sufficient to bring forth these plants from ground which does not welcome them, and once they have taken root they will endure forever. This is how the laws of the gods, properly interpreted, create citizens of the highest caliber who will never stray from the proper course once they are shown the way.

On the eastern wall, facing the sunset, are rows of noble sedge. These plants are my pride and joy, because they are grown from cuttings rather than seeds. These particular flowers are in essence parts of one flower that has lived since the middle of the Second Era. They represent continuity and careful planning, and give me faith that eternal vigilance and care can engender eternal harmony.

In the center of my garden is a stone, upon which I sit in contemplation and occasionally carve my insights. This stone is to be my legacy, alongside my military victories and descendents. Like the garden, if properly tended with wisdom and reverence to the past, it will provide enlightenment to my successors for generations to come.

They ask me why I garden. I say I am a lord of the House Indoril, and my garden is a world and the world is my garden. This is our birthright and our burden.

_________________
Test


Last edited by gro-Dhal on Sun Aug 10, 2014 10:26 am; edited 2 times in total
Post Wed Jul 30, 2014 8:43 pm Send private message             Reply with quote                   up  
Sload
Developer Emeritus
06 Feb 2005



give Timsa more names, otherwise A+
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Post Thu Jul 31, 2014 12:16 am Send private message             Reply with quote                   up  
arvisrend
Lead Developer
04 Oct 2010

Location: substitutional world

So, how final is this?

I still don't like the "citizens of the highest caliber", but other than that the text looks fine to me.
Post Sun Aug 03, 2014 4:54 pm Send private message             Reply with quote                   up  
gro-Dhal
Lead Developer
05 Nov 2006

Location: A charter'd street

Could you remind me of your other criticisms arvis?
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Post Sun Aug 03, 2014 5:08 pm Send private message             Reply with quote                   up  
arvisrend
Lead Developer
04 Oct 2010

Location: substitutional world

[30 Jul 14 23:01] * arvisrend * gro-dhal: quick question before reading
[30 Jul 14 23:01] * arvisrend * is that an Indoril-only book?
[30 Jul 14 23:02] * arvisrend * "discourage" and "encouraged" too close
[30 Jul 14 23:03] * arvisrend * "This is how the laws of the gods, properly interpreted, create citizens of the highest caliber who will never stray from the proper course once they are shown the way. "
[30 Jul 14 23:04] * arvisrend * this sounds unnatural

[30 Jul 14 23:04] * arvisrend * particularly "citizens" and "caliber" are unfitting, i'd be looking for a different metapher
Post Sun Aug 03, 2014 5:28 pm Send private message             Reply with quote                   up  
gro-Dhal
Lead Developer
05 Nov 2006

Location: A charter'd street

Sload wrote:
give Timsa more names, otherwise A+


I gave her a nickname, but I don't know whether you meant that or if she should have a longer formal family name.

As for the rest arvisrend, i've made some small changes but i'm stumped as to how to change some of the things you mentioned.

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Post Sun Aug 10, 2014 3:01 pm Send private message             Reply with quote                   up  
Rats
Lead Developer
03 Jul 2012



Great job once again, gro-Dhal. This needs to be an Alchemy skill book.
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Post Sun Aug 10, 2014 6:10 pm Send private message       Send e-mail       Reply with quote                   up  
arvisrend
Lead Developer
04 Oct 2010

Location: substitutional world

Can we simply get rid of "of the highest caliber"? The "citizens" alone doesn't sound that much out of place, but the caliber metaphor just sounds wrong. (Not to mention that it sounds like it singles out elite citizens, which the Indoril model doesn't purport to do -- the commoner has just as much of a meaning for the Indoril as the nobleman does, or am I getting something wrong?)
Post Sun Aug 10, 2014 7:58 pm Send private message             Reply with quote                   up  
arvisrend
Lead Developer
04 Oct 2010

Location: substitutional world

Merged into Data, in gro-dhal's version.
Post Mon Aug 18, 2014 1:25 am Send private message             Reply with quote                   up  
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