Griffin3150's Writing Showcase

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Griffin3150
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Griffin3150's Writing Showcase

Post by Griffin3150 »

(This did have indents but the editor wiped them away.)

A Brief History of the Arnesian War
By Lucius Atrius

There was once a battle between slave and master, a bloody conflict which started with a small slave uprising and escalated into a war. This war resulted in a lost queen and the downfall of a false king, all of it during a time of bloodshed between two great provinces, the Argonian swampland of Black Marsh and the Dunmeri kingdom of Morrowind.

Before the Arnesian War sprung into a state of reality, there was the slave trade in Morrowind. Slavery was and still is outlawed in all other provinces of the Empire. Morrowind, however, believed that the use of slaves was their right and thus Tiber Septim made an exception when the Armistice, the treaty which allowed the Empire to have some military and economic influence in Morrowind, was signed.

Morrowind had been collecting slaves from Black Marsh for decades. More than decades, in fact. The gathering of slaves had been going on for centuries, perhaps even millennia. One particular Great House of Morrowind, House Dres, was deeply involved in the slave trade, as they continually ransacked Black Marsh for laborers.

It was actually the Dres district of Morrowind where a minor slave revolt occurred. The slaves managed to capture a Dunmer merchant named Roris and demanded he forsake the Tribunal. Roris refused and stayed true to his faith, something that would eventually end his life. He was tortured relentlessly with cruel and excruciating methods put into action by Argonian sorcerers, yet still he did not renounce his beliefs. The Argonians finally abandoned their hopes and simply killed him instead.

When Morrowind learned of Roris’ death, they declared open war on the Argonians. Armies fought and died, many were killed, but one of the major events of this time was the murder of King Symmachus. Symmachus was, as his title reveals, the king of Morrowind, along with his queen, Queen Barenziah of Mournhold. He chose to stay in Mournhold while the war was still happening. While Barenziah was staying in the Imperial City with her two children, Helseth and Morgiah, she received word from Mournhold. Symmachus had been killed by a rioting mob in the city. Morrowind saw two of its fine rulers either die or flee as a result of the war. It was no large matter, however, for the war continued to be fought day after day without any regard for its lost monarchs, Dunmer and Argonian pitted against each other in a battle for the Argonians’ freedom.

Morrowind ultimately won the war, and Roris, the person whose death sparked the conflict, became known as Saint Roris the Martyr and was consecrated by the Tribunal Temple, becoming the patron saint of furnishers and caravaners. Morrowind also gained some land to the south, further pushing their borders. Morrowind did not easily forget the loss of their king and queen, either. Several books were written about Symmachus and Barenziah to commemorate them. Of course, it wasn’t a complete loss, for Barenziah did return, but Morrowind’s king is still gone and shall not be coming back. Thus ended the Arnesian War, a battle which started in one death and ended in thousands more.
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Miraclestone
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Post by Miraclestone »

Hi again, quick turn out on the story! I am not a reviewer nor am I very good at creative writing so I wont be formally judging your work but I think it was a good start. There are some sentences that could use restructuring (p6,l4 for example) and I would mention why the Empire wasn't helping during this period (the events of Arena) but the topic is solid and relevant to the project's future plans. I don't want to get to into critiquing the story because it isn't my job and don't want to step over my bounds. I wish you luck on the showcase and will check back in late!
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Griffin3150
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Post by Griffin3150 »

Hello again! It's been over a week since I posted and there haven't been any 'official' reviews yet. One of the threads told me that I should wait a few days but it's been a bit more than a few days. A review would be helpful but I do understand how busy you guys are.
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Miraclestone
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Post by Miraclestone »

Things can move slow on this site and it's important to be patient when it comes to getting responses. I'd recommend checking out the experiences other writing showcases get and 'bumping' the post with new works/reworks. It can be hard for writing showcases because of the nature of the content, they often times aren't considered enough to receive a promotion.

If you're just looking for some constructive criticism, however, I can provide a bit of that.
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Terrifying Daedric Foe
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Post by Terrifying Daedric Foe »

Whilst a good start, I feel that this piece lacks a little something. I think adding a bit more bias into the text might be a good thing. The author appears to oppose slavery which suggests a certain ethical viewpoint, but reports the brutal murder of Roris dispassionately and uncritically. Perhaps try an attempt at justification (thousands of Argonians are brutally killed by the Dunmer every year) or revisionism (the murder was Dunmer propaganda). Or perhaps something different.

You focus a lot on Symmachus and Barenziah, but both of Barenziah's biographies make clear that the Mournhold mob were motivated by Symmachus' facilitation of the imposter Tharn's regime (harsh taxes and the like). Barenziah fled for Wayrest after betraying Tharn and freeing the Eternal Champion from prison. If you want to tie them into the Arnesian War narrative you need to add something else. Also, according to [url=http://uesp.net/wiki/Lore:Third_Era#3E_389]this timeline[/url] Symmachus died in 391, five years before the war.

Focusing in on a few specific lines:

the treaty which allowed the Empire to have some military and economic influence in Morrowind --> I think that's a bit of an understatement.

for decades. More than decades, in fact. The gathering of slaves had been going on for centuries, perhaps even millennia. --> The decades line sounds a bit ridiculous when the raids on Argonia have been happening for thousands of years. It kinda kills the significance of the historical injustice.

Morrowind did not easily forget the loss of their king and queen, either. Several books were written about Symmachus and Barenziah to commemorate them. --> If you're referring to the two famous biographies of Barenziah, both were written by Imperials. The line suggests the books were written by Dunmer as part of a collective outpouring of grief.



I suggest having a read of [url=http://tamriel-rebuilt.org/old_forum/viewtopic.php?t=24266&highlight=skylamp]The Skylamp Night[/url] by our very our Rats, which covers the siege of Tear during the Arnesian War. It contains some interesting ideas you could expand upon to create a wider narrative of the whole war.

TES is not a normal fantasy world for it has an aura of strangeness about it. The things you are told cannot be trusted for the narrator is biased, ignorant or downright lying. I think my main criticism of your piece is that it's a bit too safe. The content is mostly fine, but in the way it's delivered it needs to get off the fence and choose a side. You can be blatant about it or subtle. The choice is yours. Good luck.
'The strange thing about TR is that I think it is by and large accepted that we will finish. We are all the sort of crazy people that would do such a thing. We are inevitable.' ~ Thrignar Fraxix
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Gnomey
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Post by Gnomey »

Sorry for taking so long to get around to this. I almost missed it entirely.
I find it rather hard to judge to content of this showcase because we have yet to figure out what actually happened in the Arnesian war, what the public thinks happened, and so on and so forth. For example, in the current (outdated) draft of our [url=http://tamriel-rebuilt.org/old_forum/viewtopic.php?t=24033]House Dres planning document[/url], you'll find the following lines:
Notes for House Dres wrote:At first, the Dres relied on Hlaalu imported slaves from Elsweyr as the majority of their labor force. During the late Second Era, though, Dres leaders made a secret trade deal with the Hist which would be their downfall if it was discovered. They traded a small number of Dunmer to the Hist in exchange for a huge amount of Argonian slaves. Little did they know that the Hist are disecting the Dunmer to make fake Dunmer to infiltrate and conquer Morrowind.[*] Things almost came to ahead in the Arnesian War, when one of the Dunmer attempted to run from the Argonians, but for now the Dres have kept a lid on the externalities of their deals.

[*]The Hist are exokalpic alien monsters that got trapped in Nirn and, due to differences in physics models, are being improperly rendered as trees. They are slowly unravelling Nirn's earthbones to render it compatible with their full existence. The Argonians are their first project, but they also made Kothri in an attempt to infiltrateother societies.
As such, Roris was a Dunmer the Dres traded to the Hist in return for Argonian slaves, who almost escaped the Hist and revealed House Dres' dark dealings, but was either caught and martyred by the Argonians or perhaps even the Dres.
The Dres then attempted to save the situation by framing Roris as a religious martyr, leading to the narrative found in Lives of the Saints and elsewhere. And then there was a huge war.

It's not entirely certain that we'll use that narrative, but I'm personally in favour of it.

As TDF pointed out, the royal family of Morrowind really had nothing to do with the whole affair, but it does make sense for an Imperial author to inflate their importance, whether through ignorance or design, so trying to cram them into the narrative isn't a bad idea. How best to do it is another question.
I didn't have a problem with the dispassionate tone; the author appears to be an Imperial scholar, so it's not unreasonable that he'd try to be even-handed in recording history, and the Imperials had little investment in the conflict anyway, having had their own worries at the time. He does appear to take the Dunmer side of the conflict, which is the main bias in the text; while one might expect him to be against slavery, he doesn't really let his bias show on that subject. I actually think this is quite reasonable: he seems to be trying to avoid bias, but probably only has access to the Dunmer side of the narrative, which colours his account.

My main critique of the text is hard to overcome for the time being: it reads as a summary, or an introduction to the subject. It never goes into detail, for which I can hardly blame you, as there are no details to go into. When it comes to the Arnesian war, I think it might be better -- at least for the time being -- to go the route of The Skylamp Night and focus on a specific event in the war from a very specific perspective. Perhaps an oral account from an Argonian tribesman recorded by some scribe, or perhaps a direct account from, say, an outlander merchant visiting Tear, providing his impressions of what was going on in a situation he barely understood. (Not necessarily the siege of Tear; perhaps just an observation of the general mood in the city during the war, with various illustrative anecdotes or something).
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Griffin3150
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Post by Griffin3150 »

I'd like to thank you for all your responses and criticism. I definitely found it helpful and I will certainly take a hard look at my story again.

One thing I would like to point out is that it is meant to be a brief history and not a detailed record of what happened. Another thing is the death of Symmachus. You make a good point, but remember this is from one point of view, and even the biographies of Barenziah state that when she fled to the Imperial City, Symmachus was alive. It was later when she received word from Morrowind of Symmachus' death.

But as for the rest, I will certainly look at it and recheck the history and also revise something. In the meantime, I'm writing something on slavery in Morrowind that comes from a very opinionated Imperial.

Thank you again,

Griffin3150
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Post by Griffin3150 »

On Slavery
by Vertius Nuccius

I like to think that Tamriel is perfect the way it is. I like to think that we are all free. I like to think that the races of Tamriel are unified and treat each other with mutual respect. But not everything is perfect, and almost anyone who is educated on Tamriel’s history knows that. War, death, and destitution are only some of the things that have divided us over the ages. Most of the time, these problems have originated from various sources. Provinces all over this continent have started and ended disputes and issues and they are now history. But, like I stated before, not everything is always perfect. There is one abominable tradition that continues to this very day. This practice is widely known as slavery.

Slavery was mostly rescinded after Saint Alessia stood up to her Ayleid masters. Nowadays, you can barely catch a whiff of enslavement. Unless, of course, you happen to be in the ash-ridden land of Morrowind. Morrowind has always been notorious for slavery. They have been maintaining this appalling practice for over an era and Tiber Septim’s Armistice didn’t improve anything.

The Treaty of the Armistice was signed near the closing of the second age, and, to simplify it, allowed the Dunmer to continue practicing their traditions. I am never one to deny anybody religious freedom, but when a tradition denies the rights of a person, it is no longer a tradition, but a blatant dismissal of said person’s freedom, and that is what the entire concept of slavery is: a massive dismissal of people’s freedom.

House Dres of Morrowind has had a significant impact as well as a large amount of input in the slave trade, as they live closest to border of Black Marsh, the source of the most popular slaves in Morrowind. Most of those who are in captivity are Argonians, and it is presumably because Black Marsh borders them on the south.

After the fall of the Reman dynasty, the Argonians withdrew from the Empire and Morrowind saw this as their opportunity to force their neighbours into servitude and they did. Perhaps one of the better known of incidents during this time was the slave raid ordered by House Dres on the Argonian city of Thorn.

The Arnesian War was an example of a slave uprising in Morrowind. Argonians defied their masters and rebelled, capturing a Dunmer named Roris in the process whom they brutally tortured until death. This sparked a large conflict but the slaves remained in captivity.

House Hlaalu and House Redoran are not very deeply involved in the slave trade. It is very rare to see anything concerning slavery in the Redoran and Hlaalu districts of Morrowind. House Telvanni, on the other hand, is a significant participant in the slave trade and is almost as involved in enslavement as House Dres. During my stay in Morrowind, I saw some very disturbing things. In some cities ruled by the Telvanni, I saw market-like setups with cages to hold the slaves, but the most astonishing thing was the Dunmer! I saw few, but the Dunmer had locked up their own kind in these cages, along with Khajiit and Argonians.

But among the idle talk of Morrowind, you tend to pick up on some information. There is a group called the Twin Lamps. The Twin Lamps is an organisation whose primary goal is to free captive slaves in Morrowind, mainly Khajiit or Argonian slaves. I haven’t joined their ranks myself, but if you are reading this book, I hear they can be found in Ebonheart, a settlement on Morrowind’s center island, Vvardenfell.

You’ve come to the last pages of my book, so please keep in mind that this tome is to serve as a reminder of the barbarity of Morrowind’s slave trade and the Dunmer people, and I do hope you’ve learned a little bit more about slavery and why it should be abolished, why the slaves deserve freedom, and how cruel and inhumane it truly is.
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Post by klep »

I'm no lore-champion at all so can't say much about your work, but since you're writing something about slavery you may want to check out these TR books on the slavery subject:

[url=http://www.uesp.net/wiki/Tes3Mod:Tamriel_Rebuilt/Dres_Slave_Trade]Dres Slave Trade[/url] - Imperial written, but not very opinionated.
[url=http://www.uesp.net/wiki/Tes3Mod:Tamriel_Rebuilt/The_Most_Cruel_Trade]The Most Cruel Trade[/url] - I think the title says enough.
[url=http://www.uesp.net/wiki/Tes3Mod:Tamriel_Rebuilt/Unbiased_Appraisal_of_Abolition]Unbiased Appraisal of Abolition[/url] - One of my personal favourites. A book about slavery written by a strongly opinionated Dunmer.

Looking forward to seeing more of your work!
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Gnomey
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Post by Gnomey »

First of all, a few corrections:

"They have been maintaining this appalling practice for over an era and Tiber Septim’s Armistice hasn’t improve anything."

Instead of 'over an era' I'd say something to the effect of 'for time immemorial'. I don't think the Dunmer or Chimer or even perhaps Aldmer ever started using slaves; they never stopped.

"The Treaty of the Armistice [...]"

This is redundant; an armistice is basically a treaty, or for all intents and purposes a ceasefire. The Armistice is the Armistice, and can simply be referred to as such, just like the Civil War is the Civil War and not the Internal Conflict of the Civil War. Similarly, the above 'Tiber Septim's Armistice' seems a little unnatural; sort of like writing 'Abraham Lincoln's Civil War'. It's not completely wrong, though.

House Hlaalu uses slaves extensively, but I assume this is just the author's bias. It's rather strange that there is no mention of House Indoril, who also use slaves very extensively, as all the other Houses are mentioned.

My main uncertainty about the text is its tone. It reads very strongly like the transcript of some sort of speech at first. Having read through the whole thing, it seems more like a pamphlet. The last paragraph is also a little odd; again, it seems more like something one might expect from an impromptu speech or perhaps a pamphlet than a formal tome.
I personally think it might work better as a pamphlet. That would give it a clear place in TR: one might expect it to be passed between outlanders living in settlements both inside and beyond the province to raise awareness of slavery.
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